Translation
Eucl.- Now, at last, I can get out of this house with my soul relieved
since I have checked that everything is in its proper place. 80
Go back into the house, you servant, and be sure to watch out diligently.
Staph.- Why not?
Must I mount guard inside? Are you afraid someone will steal the house? What else could the thieves find other than emptiness and cobwebs?
Eucl.- It is really strange that Jupiter, for your own sake, does not 85
make me a king, such as Philip or Darius,1 oh you, wretched witch!
I wish the god's protection on those cobwebs. I confess, I am a
poor man, but I adapt myself to that, and I am happy with whatever
the gods feel fit to give me. Now, go inside and close the door.
I will be back in a jiff. Make sure you don't let anyone in. 90
Some neighbours could be asking for some burning embers:
I want you to put it out so no one will have reason to ask for it.2
If I should find it lit, you will die of shock. If they shoud ask for some
water, tell them that it's run out. A knife, axe, mortar and
any utensil, in short, that the neighbours 95
are always asking for, you will say that the thieves
have stolen them. In other words, while I am away
I don't want anyone to enter my house.
And, another thing: even if the Good Fortune in person
shoud come to the house, don't let her in. 100
Staph.- By Pol!3 It's her, I believe, that wouldn't consider to come in.
In fact, though she is close by3 she has always avoided our house.
Eucl.- Be quite! Go inside!
Staph.- I will be quite and I am going in.
Eucl.- Shut, please, both sides of the door with the double lock4. I will be back in a jiff. I am broken hearted to think that I must leave the house. 105
By Hercules! I have to leave it against my will, but I know best what's
to be done. The president of our curia5 said that he would
distribute a silver coin to each person. If I renounce
and don't claim it, immediately everyone will doubtless
suspect that I have gold in the house. 110
It's unbelievable, in fact, that a poor wretch
should scorn a silver coin, little as it may be, for that point.
Indeed, now that I do my best to hide my secret,
it seems that every one knows about it, and all greet me
more politely than they used to greet me before. 115
They come near, they stop me, they shake my right hand,
they keep asking how my health is, what I am doing, what I do to pass the time.
Now, I had better go where I need to go,
then get back to the house as quickly as possible.
Notes:
1- King Philip II (382-336 B.C.) father of Alexander the Great (356-323B.C.) and King Darius the Great of Persia (549-486 B.C.)
2- It is interesting to note that the habit of neighbours coming round and asking for some sugar or something else to borrow, as they, or us, have just run out while they are cooking, and it would be impractical to run up to the shop, has not died away. The practice of asking your neighbour, if they could see smoke coming out of the chimney, for some hot embers to light their own fire, was still practised in the UK until the early 1970s, before the new North Sea gas (methane) was piped to all the houses in the UK. I remember my neighbour coming round early one morning to ask my wife for some embers. She had not seen any smoke out of the chimney, but she had felt the chimney breast was still warm, so there were embers from the previous night in our fire. Call it selectivity of the mind with IQ 100 plus.
3- It alludes to there being a Temple of the goddess of Good Fortune, near their house. Her name was Fortuna and the main temple in Rome was in the Forum Boarium. Every town would have a Temple dedicated to Fortuna.
4- Doors were often made as two half doors with a lock on one half, the mortise, that pushed the tenon into the other half of the door. A big iron key was used to lock and unlock the door either from the outside or from the inside. In addition the back of the two half doors could be wedged with big iron hooks attached to the side wall of each door to form an angle of about 45 degrees. The doors were truly burglar-proof. A similar device exists today in DIY shops and is called: "gate hook and eye black", at least by B&Q DIY stores in the UK. This practice is still existant in many old house in Italy and Greece. But, the solid iron rods are about 3/4 inch (2 cm) thick and are placed at about half the height of the door. Some have two sets per door placed one higher and one lower on each half of the door!
5- curia = "parish district." See the page Comitiae for a full explanation